You are here

Why the Editor of This Website is a Communist and Baseball Represents All That Is Great in America

Baseball Closeup

After waking up this morning, cooking eggs, and watching my daily array of YouTube videos of cats falling down, I figured I’d write up a nice little piece about how excited I am by the return of baseball.  I was aghast to find that the editor of this site, Comrade Laurent Martin, gazzumped me with an extended article about why baseball is responsible for the demise of civil discourse. 

Laurent Martin Editor In Chief

Make no mistake about it, this man hates America.

Baseball is representative of all that is good about America.  Millions of kids in America get up each morning, hoping that someday they will be a professional baseball player.  This distant dream, this hope for a better future, prepares these children for the lifetime of disappointment that awaits them (see also, Mets fandom). In a few years, when they are mindlessly glaring at a computer terminal, trying to figure out whether Accounts Receivable or Accounts Payable is at fault, their mind will drift off to watching Kirk Gibson hitting his famous home run.

Not only that, but baseball is the clearest example of American-style team building one can imagine. Just as in the contemporary workforce, we are encouraged to both fight for our team and giddily throw them under the bus when it will make us more money. Take, for example, the recent Albert Pujols contract situation.  Pujols, a lifelong Cardinal, is at the end of his contract, and is trying to negotiate a crippling, team-destroying deal with St. Louis.  Reuters reports that Pujols was seeking a 10-year deal worth about $300 million.  While certainly, 2011 Pujols deserves $30 million a year, one wonders how you field 24 more players with what remains of the payroll.  As you can see, Pujols is standing up for his team (they get the best player in the world!) while irreparably harming them (they will be saddled with this enormous contract long after Pujols can play well).

The owners, like all plutocrats, play a key role in this economic formula as well.  We are told to be frustrated with greedy athletes who demand enormous contracts, yet we can’t pay attention to the soulless capitalists who exploit the entire system.  Ranging from the merely cynical, such as Pirates owner Robert Nutting finding the delicate balance of how little he can spend on the team, while not losing so much that the fans stop coming, to the grossly immoral, Dodgers owners Frank and Jamie McCourt using the Dodgers organization as a collateral for their multiple homes and subsequent divorce, to the probably illegal, Mets owner Fred Wilpon effectively using the franchise as a money-laundering mechanism for Ponzi scheme operator Bernie Madoff, baseball executives have blazed new trails in American corporate behavior.

So, to Mr. Martin, I say, keep your hands off our baseball!  It is the most beautiful form of art, the kind that reflects back on the viewer a clear view of their soul.  And along with the greed and corporatism of baseball, the sport represents grand values.  It is a sport that is about knowledge, meditation, and concentration.  It has little of the show-boating you see in either of the footballs.  More than anything, baseball is about bright summer days and a belief in community.  For this, you can keep your European soccer, Mr. Martin, with its Russian mob and Arab aristocracy backing and its spoiled, metrosexual athletes.

Cristiano_Ronaldo_of_Manchester_United,_November_5,_2008 (1)

Comments

 #

A. This is the best headline ever.

B. Every time they say "Pujoles" on TV I do a happy dance, because "POO HOLES"!!!

 
   You are logged in as
, after login or registration your account will be connected.

Our Mission

The Thought Cannon was created to provide an informative and entertaining source for news and opinion that will blow your mind. 

The Thought Cannon believes that a mix of humor and skepticism is the best way to fight the forces of the bloviating, ineffectual media (though we don't shy away from our own bloviating!).  We invite you join in the skirmish by commenting.

Recent Activity

Drupal theme by pixeljets.com D7 ver.1.1