You are here

Under Google Control, Berlin Celebrates Mandated Ice Cream Sundae Anniversary

Boys At Ice Cream Counter Photo Credit: Jennifer Martin

If you clicked Google's scrumptious sundae-themed logo today, then you learned that it's the 119th anniversary of the first ice cream sundae in recorded history.  But even if you didn't, you were subjected to Google's compulsory mandate to eat ice cream today. 

That's right.  Every man, woman, and child living in a country under the Don't-Be-Evil Empire's control had to consume at least one scoop or be forced to use Bing for the rest of the year.  Thankfully, this was Berlin's first warm weekend of the year and we were happy to oblige. 

Also, like most people living in developed nations, we forfeighted our free will to Google when we agreed to the terms for our Gmail accounts and were powerless against the advertising giant's mind control algorithm.

Ice cream stands across Berlin toiled to meet the demands of Berliners, 15% of who were in line for or eating ice cream at any given moment.  Sidewalks were clogged as we made our way across Kreuzberg this afternoon as part of a Google Labs project aimed at distracting users from recent Wi-Fi spying legal troubles, anti-trust lawsuits, and a negative Google Books settlement.

Berlin Ice Cream Line Photo Credit: Jennifer Martin

Reclusive CEO Larry Page initiated the project as an alternative to traditional PR solutions to raise the company's tarnished public image.  It makes sense.  When you get home Sunday night to search for the deets on Wrestlemania and see the cutesy logo, your sweet milky hangover will leave you defenseless.  You'll have to click it.  Then you'll forget all about Google's face-recognition Android app built explicitly for stalkers.

The earthquake and inevitable tsunami in Indonesia won't even register- and it's Google's fault too.

This brainwashed child not only ate an ice cream cone while under the complete control of Google's open-source mind control project, but added sprinkles to the mix as part of an early release beta-testing program.  The beta program's final release is scheduled to include sprinkles and whipped cream, but clearly the whipped cream features are still buggy.

Ice Cream Boy Photo Credit: Laurent Martin

From our first-hand observations, children seemed to be the most susceptible to the Google program.  One automaton we interviewed said her ice cream cone was delicious, but failed to acknowledge being incepted by Google. 

Ice Cream Girl Photo Credit: Jennifer Martin

While still in development Google Cones is one of the most successful and powerful projects to come out of Google Labs.  Berliners are hoping that Google works out the whipped cream features in time for a cloud-based hot chocolate Android application planned for the coming Fall.

   You are logged in as
, after login or registration your account will be connected.

Our Mission

The Thought Cannon was created to provide an informative and entertaining source for news and opinion that will blow your mind. 

The Thought Cannon believes that a mix of humor and skepticism is the best way to fight the forces of the bloviating, ineffectual media (though we don't shy away from our own bloviating!).  We invite you join in the skirmish by commenting.

Recent Activity

Drupal theme by pixeljets.com D7 ver.1.1