Attacke Gegen Hundekacke - Attack Dog Poop Demonstration Körnerkiez Neukölln

Hundekacke Strasse Koenerkiez Neukoelln Photo Credit: Laurent Martin

The streets of Neukölln are a battlefield.  Berlin's most diverse, most rapidly gentrifying neighborhood is at war.  A lot of newspapers are sold with the story that it's us immigrants at odds with our German host or that we're fighting unemployment, but it's not: its the dog shit.  And my neighborhood, the Körnerkiez, is ground zero.  Today the children took to the streets to fight a seemingly insurmountable foe, hundekacke.

California's Misdirected Proposal to Tax Bee Keepers

California Bee Tax Photo Credit: Andy Hay

The modern bee keeper is a gambler.  Colony Collapse Disorder has left North America with half the number of hives it had 30 years ago, 50% of California's bees died last winter alone.  It now costs more for farmers to rent bees than ever before- seasonal profits can be good, but it seems the house is winning.  So why not tax bee keeping like gambling as the California Apiary Research Commission is thinking of doing?  Oh yeah, maybe because California is the US's main producer of fruits and vegetables and bees pollinate the food that allows us to live. 

At best, this could be viewed as a misguided attempt to help fund research by a bankrupt state government. But it contradicts the premise of the much-needed research and misappropriates the state's role in intervening to help avert possible disaster as a result of CCD.

How To Get Drunk The Worst Way Possible

Tampon Slimming Photo Credits: Tom Magliery, Laurent Martin, Openclipart.org

It's called slimming and the teenagers you know are already doing it.  For anyone over 20, I'll explain what it is, but first you ought to disable all appall-sensing extensions or moral compass add-on's from your browser.  Slimming is getting drunk transdermally by dipping a tampon in vodka and then inserting it in the vagina (for the ladies) or the anus (for the gents).  The American import has just hit Germany, reports the Südkurier,  and as an American living in Germany, I couldn't be prouder.

I Am Motherfucking Sick of All These Motherfucking “Twilight” Clones in the Motherfucking Bookstore

Twilight Vampangel Sketch By S.K. Bentley

Full disclosure: I am over thirty and have read all of the Twilight books. And have seen all three movies, all on opening night. You might even say that I’m a Twihard.

Do I like the Twilight franchise? Sort of. I mean, I like them despite the quality of the writing, the plotting, the troublesome messages it sends to young women about creepy assholes, nonconsensual kissing, a man as guardian of a horny teenager’s virginity, and, oh, a guy oiling your window so it won’t squeak when he creeps in to watch you sleep at night. I mean, I like the books about as much as I can like a book involving a crazy half-vampire fetus that has to be chewed out of her mother’s uterus by the vampire babydaddy’s sharp vampire teeth (because in the vampire world of rock-paper-scissors, only vampire teeth cuts vampire amniotic sac and NO I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP).

NCAA an American Cinderella: Still Sweeping the Ashes after "The Big Dance"

For the love of the game

It’s late March, and those of us who follow college basketball are currently watching one of the most entertaining and surprising tournaments in recent memory.  Not a single of the top seeded teams in the tournament made the Final Four.  Not a single of the second seeded teams made it.  Only one of the third seeded teams is even there.  For a brief moment, Butler, an eighth seed, got to enjoy its second season in a row as Cinderella, but the arrival of the little heralded VCU, an eleventh seed, pushed them out of the lime light.  Unfortunately, though, this story will not end like the fairy tale.

No Pistols in SOCOM 4? Are You Kidding Me?

Socom 4 Screenshot

PlayStation’s SOCOM series has always stood out from the console shooter competition. The obvious reason is the third-person view. But more than that, the series has always stressed realism, tactics and strategy, which is why it puzzles me that Zipper Interactive decided to leave pistols out of its newest version of the game, SOCOM 4, for the PlayStation 3.

In Defense of the Jegging

Jeggings Sketch, Credit: S.K. Bentley

Look. I’m tired of people getting all up in my business because I don’t shun the jegging. For those of you unfamiliar with this particular portmanteau, the “jegging” refers to leggings made out of jeans: more specifically, stretchy denim. Why the close-mindedness, world? I’m not talking about wearing jeggings with a t-shirt tucked in, showing your cameltoe to the general population. I’m talking about tasteful use of jeggings: under a flowy top and tucked into hot boots. Really, the jegging should be seen only from about mid thigh to calf. Any more than that is disaster. But oh, that magical two feet of jegging-clad leg, the “sweet spot” of the jegging! They make you look like you can fit into wee skinny jeans, even when the scale and your ass tell you differently. You can still do deep knee bends in them, thanks to the generous spandex content in the fabric. And you never know when you need to do deep knee bends. Trust me on this.

Maillard Reaction Makes Bread Into Toast, Life Into Awesome

Maillard Reaction Coffee Photo Credit: Jennifer Martin

The Maillard Reaction is all around you, making your life totally awesome, and you don't even know its name.  It puts anti-oxidants in your coffee, justifies the money you spent on your BBQ, and it's why a corn dog is greater than the sum of its parts; and once you learn a little more about it, your life will never be the same.

You Don't Want Me to Find You a Sublet(ter) In NY or SF

Subletter Advertisement.  Photo Credits: Jason Taellious


I have chosen the wrong career.  If Facebook status updates are any indication as to how I ought to live my life (and really what could offer more sage advice?), then I should have chosen to be a real estate agent in New York or San Francisco.  Or both. 

Several times a week my news feed announces that an apartment is available, an awesome apartment, or that someone needs a sublet.  Pronto.  But Facebook status updates are ephemeral and I'm not a real estate agent who cares to remember how many square feet you need to live.  By the time it occurs to me that two statuses are related, I've forgotten who needs what and when they need it.  And I've probably already defriended both of you.

Heaven Wrapped in Bacon

Bacon Slab Garlic

This summer, forget the traditional backyard barbecue. Wrap your barbecue in bacon.

A friend invited me to a Swine and Wine dinner party tonight. She supplied the bacon and wine. I had to bring something to wrap the bacon in -- and beer, because drinking wine with bacon seemed wrong on a fundamental level.

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